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Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs was the topic of my previous blog post. They’re assumptions or perceptions about ourselves and the world around us that constrain us in some way. They shape our lives and they cause problems for our mental health, but we can overcome limiting beliefs.

How Are Limiting Beliefs Shaped?

These Include:

  • Past Trauma
  • Family Belief Systems
  • Relationships With Friends or Significant Others

It was past trauma caused by bullying and betrayal while growing up. However, I took steps to overcome that limiting belief.

Identifying The Limiting Belief

The first step I took was to identify a limiting belief that wasn’t serving me, “I can’t be my real self or I’ll be judged”. When I was growing up it was a struggled to fit in when I was in school.

The long-term effects of bullying include experiencing a wide range of emotions. These include feeling angry, bitterness, vulnerable, helplessness, frustrated, lonely and being isolated from your peers. The longer you’re bullied the odds of being depressed and anxious increases. Also, you develop self-esteem issues and can lead to social anxiety.

I wrote a post about how to overcome social anxiety. If you like to view it please click on the button below. This post describes social anxiety in more detail and on a deeper level.

Challenge The Limited Belief

The next step was to challenge my limiting belief. I started to become aware that it was not factual, I just believed it was factual. For example I believed that a friendship would fall apart just like when I was in school.

I examined the so-called facts and found that I blew them out of proportion and shaped them to form a false narrative.

When this happened I started to overcome social anxiety by questioning that false narrative.

Replace The Limiting Belief

The next step is to replace your old limiting belief with a new one. I’m using my own experience as an example. I identified and challenged my belief, “I can’t be my self or I’ll be judged”, and replaced it with, “It isn’t my job to please other people”. By doing this you’ll feel like a different person, however it’s important to strengthen your new belief.

How To Strengthen Your New Empowering Belief?

Our beliefs shape our identities and our behaviors. Also, our habits as well.

When you’re transitioning into your new belief you may feel fear and resistance. This may trigger an automatic urge to do an old habit. For example, if the transition is difficult you may find yourself engaging in negative self-talk such as “This is impossible” or “What’s the point” and then give up.

It’s interesting to note that giving up is not a habit. However, you may not be aware that you’re giving up because of habits such as fear of failure, underestimating yourself or others, procrastination or laziness.

When you become aware of these habits it’s important to identify them, challenge them and replace them. For example if you’re underestimating yourself it’s best to look into why you see yourself in that way. Then take action toward changing this habit by assessing your strengths, weaknesses and talents that make you more aware of your abilities or skill up your abilities.

Conclusion

It’s important to identify, challenge and replace a limiting belief. Also, change the bad habits that get in the way of your new empowering belief.

If you’re suffering from anxiety please click on the button below and download my free anxiety expert guide:

Sources: 

https://personalexcellence.co/blog/limiting-beliefs/

https://www.verywellfamily.com/bullying-impact-4157338

https://www.fastcompany.com/3058647/5-habits-to-get-over-self-limiting-beliefs

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Becoming Mindful of Success, Part. 2 (Habits That Lead To Success)

This is part 2 of 2 about success.

What Are Habits?

Habits are routine behaviors that are repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously. They are automatic responses to specific situations that can be either good or bad.

Examples of Habits

Examples of habits include everyday essential activities such as taking a shower, brushing your teeth or getting dressed for work.

There are habits that are good for us that we work hard on establishing such as eating well, exercising and get enough sleep.

However, there are habits that are bad for us that can limit our success such as procrastination, envy, caring too much about what other people think and apologizing too much.

It’s possible to adopt new habits that lead to success. This can happen by changing your bad habits and replace them with new ones. It’s interesting that when you create a new habit your brain creates a new neurological pathway allowing you to more easily use those habits.

What Habits Lead To Success?

Success starts with you. 

Factors such as your personality, your motivations and your habits determine how successful you’ll be at achieving a goal.

Here are some habits that successful people adopt:

Finding a Sense of Purpose: When successful people find their sense of purpose it fuels their motivation and gives them a definite sense of direction toward what they want to achieve.

Developing a Powerful Daily Routine: A powerful morning routine can include waking up earlier than you have to in order to practice daily gratitude, reading something uplifting and getting active with a morning exercise routine. Also, use your time in the morning to plan your time wisely by block scheduling your daily tasks.

Embrace Failure and Try Again Every Time: Just because you fail at something doesn’t make you a failure, instead it can make you wiser. Once you figured out what went wrong try again and you may succeed.

Taking Risks: I mentioned in a previous post that it’s important to learn how to face the fear of the unknown and take risks in order to be successful at achieving your goals.

Building Confidence in Your Abilities: Confidence comes from feelings of well-being and believing in your ability, skills and experience

Letting go of the Past: Holding on to the past can hold you back in so many ways; not only holding back your own happiness, but your success as well.

How Have You Become Successful In Your Life?

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If you’re suffering from anxiety please click on the button below and download my free anxiety expert guide:

Sources:

https://greatperformersacademy.com/habits/10-bad-habits-that-will-hold-you-back-from-being-successful

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Becoming Mindful of Success, Part.1 (Factors That Lead To Overall Success)

This will be the first of a two part post about success.

What is Success?


Success is defined as the accomplishment of a goal or purpose. It can also refer to a person or thing that achieves a desired goal or attains prosperity. It’s important for boosting confidence, security, a sense of well-being, hope and leadership. 

Examples of Success?

Success means different things to different people. It’s the achievement of something desired; whether it’s weath, happiness or well-being.


Examples of Success include:

  • Having a great job
  • Having a happy marriage
  • Having a lot of money
  • Finally being able to finish a puzzle
  • Successfully overcoming an anxiety disorder
  • Successfully losing 50 pounds

What Factors Lead To Success?

We live in a world where success is measured mainly through money; this is the first thing that comes to mind when we think of success and for a lot of people it’s the only way success is measured. Material success is important; it drives creativity along with economic and social advancement. 

However, it’s important to be aware that when money becomes the only criterion to measure success other factors are overlooked such as your happiness, well-being and wisdom that contribute to an overall successful life.


Some factors that are overlooked include:


Courage During Adversity: Adversity is discouraging and exhausting. It can leave us overwhelmed by fear and unable to move forward. Courage is the ability to do something you fear and by having the courage to face adversity you’re on your way to success.

Self-Control: Success can be due to the amount of self-control you have. Have you ever tried losing weight and changing your diet, but at the same time struggling with compulsive eating? If you have enough self-control you can successfully change your habits and lose weight.


Level of Learning and Knowledge: Successful people are always learning new things and they are knowledgeable in a wide array of disciplines. It’s a myth that learning stops when you finish school and the more you learn the more successful you become.


Life Satisfaction and Good Health: Increasing your life satisfaction and feeling fulfilled leads to a happy and successful life. This can be achieved by focusing on the positive, relieving stress and not being afraid to take out for yourself. There is nothing more important for achieving success than good health; whether it’s good physical health or good mental health where anxiety is at a minimum.


Spiritual Success: Spiritual success means being in touch with who you truly are and it can refer to our character and integrity. It can also refer to the qualities of our success such as discipline, honesty, loyalty and love.


Where Have You Found Success in Your Life?

Please Like and Comment!

Sources:

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/importance-of-success_b_837924

https://www.chinadaily.com.cn/opinion/2013-12/25/content_17194820.htm

https://fac.ksu.edu.sa/adalayed/publication/66617

https://www.australianacademicpress.com.au/aap_blog/post/courage-in-adversity

https://lifehacker.com/success-is-controlling-how-you-spend-your-time-1682657639

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-be-successful-in-life-4165743

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Gaining Courage in the Face of Fear

What is Courage?


Courage is the ability to do something that frightens you. It is the strength you need to face pain or grief and the strength in the face of a tornado, an earthquake or the global coronavirus pandemic.

The word courage originated from the Old French word “corage”, from the Latin word “cor”, which means ”heart”.

Why is Courage Important?


Courage is important if you want to begin something that you want to do or when you have to face a crisis. It allows you to act despite being fearful.

Courage is important for putting aside your fear of failure; especially if you have to venture off into the unknown or if you want to go for what you want. It’s important for overcoming anxiety characterized by the fear of rejection or self doubt caused by negative self talk.

Courage is more important than confidence. Confidence is very important; it comes from believing you can do something, but courage on the other hand is doing something despite being fearful.

Courage and Confidence are like yin and yang, because they depend on one another. Without courage we never develop confidence and a confident person can be brought down when facing a crisis if it weren’t for courage.

Examples of Courage?


Courage can come in all shapes and forms. It could come from you standing up for someone who’s being bullied, asking your crush on a date, racing into a burning building to save someone’s life or being courageous in the face of the coronavirus pandemic.

We’ve been seeing 24/7 news coverage of the coronavirus pandemic. There’s been more of an emphasis on the negative things that many people have been doing in reaction to this crisis including attacking other people for their toilet paper or bottled water or the spreading of misinformation. 

How about the awesome people who’ve been courageous since this crisis started? 

There hasn’t been enough said about the moral courage from the doctors, nurses and other medical staff in the face of the intense challenges they’ve been facing and the one’s they’re facing right now. 

Dr Helen Chu?

It was reported that in Seattle, Washington of epidemiologist Dr. Helen Chu demonstrated great moral courage by reporting critical data to health officials despite being told by federal authorities not to. There was a group of study participants she wanted to test for coronavirus to determine if it had arrived in Washington state, however she was denied authorization. 

Despite being denied Dr. Chu still had an ethical obligation and went ahead with the testing anyway and found a teenager had tested positive for the virus despite not traveling abroad or contact history, demonstrating community spread. This information was sent to a public health official just before this teen was sent back to school. Even after all that the federal government served her with a cease and desist order. 

Volunteers Rescuing Pets?

Here is a more lighthearted example of courage.  There was a news story from Spain that I saw about pets that were left behind due to their owners getting sick with the coronavirus. A group of volunteers from the kindness of their hearts looked after these abandoned pets. If and when their owners recover and are released from the hospital they will be reunited with their pets.

How To Become More Courageous?


The examples written above show why courage is a universally admired quality that’s very important to have. 

Ways To Become More Courageous Include:

  • Face The Fear of the Unknown: Becoming more courageous can be as simple as finding the cause of your fear, questioning what the cause of it is, accepting it, riding the wave of fear and learning to embrace change.
  • Use Relaxation Techniques: Fear can be paradoxal; a little bit of fear can amp you up and transform you into your best self and at the same time too much fear can shut you down and leave you stuck. It’s important to keep your physiological responses in check and this can be achieved by using relaxation techniques such as tactical breathing and mindful meditation.
  • Learn New Skills: There are many scenarios that involve risk and danger, it pays to develop a wide range of skills such as self-defense and first aid, to automotive repair and the ability to speak a foreign language. The more knowledge of what to do when trouble arises the braver a person you will be.
  • Think of Yourself Less: The more egocentric you are, the more scared you’re going to get about taking action. Egocentrism can lead to someone becoming more self-conscious about what other people think of them when and if they make a decision. This way of thinking leads to fear and anxiety that leads to decision paralysis and inaction.
  • Form Closer Relationships: Being from a culture that’s individualized and atomized (fragmented) we’re taught that drawing strength from being part of a group is something that’s negative. In reality it can be the opposite, because having close friends and family can cause you to act in a more positive and courageous way when a crisis occurs.
  • Do Something New Once a Week: At least once a week engage in something that will make a little nervous or scared in order to keep you outside your comfort zone. This can include something simple as eating out at a restaurant that is unfamiliar, hiking on an unfamiliar trail, traveling to an unfamiliar place or studying something that is challenging.
  • Lean Into Your Role: An effective way to become less self-conscious is to start thinking about the actions you need to take to transition into your more courageous self. Overtime when you lean into the role that you need to be to help others it’s no longer just about you.

How Courageous Are You?

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If you’re struggling with fear please click on the button below:

Sources:

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/courage-a-matter-of-the-heart/

https://medium.com/better-humans/why-courage-is-more-important-than-confidence-f97865efc930

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Making Leading Edge Decisions

What Does It Mean To Make A Decision?

What is Decision Making? It’s the process of deciding something based on a logical choice from available options.

When we’re trying to make a decision we take a look at the positives and negatives of the options available, along with considering the possible alternatives. 

After looking at the available options we also must be able to forecast the outcome of the final decision. 

An important factor that’s overlooked that affects decision making is being aware or mindful of our own thoughts and emotions.

Why is Good Decision Making Important?

The cornerstone of good leadership skills is the ability to make a decision and stick to it.

Decision making is an ongoing process in every business regardless of size and also in our personal lives as well. 

Having critical thinking skills allows us to approach a problem and decide on a solution that is beneficial to not only yourself, but to other members of your organization or those close to you in your personal life.

What Influences Our Decisions?

There are a lot of factors that we’re not aware of that can influence the decisions we’re making.

These factors include:

Our Thoughts and Emotions: Our own thoughts and emotions can affect our decisions, not only the nature of those decisions, but also the speed in which they’re made. If your judgement is off due to negative thoughts that lead to anger and make you impatient and cause you to make rash decisions.

Being Hungry: It’s interesting that feelings or states of being can spill over from one area to another. This occurs a lot with our physical desires, for example when we feel hungry or thirsty it can affect the decision areas of our brains. We can feel more desire for big rewards and this can motivate us to make higher risk choices and keep wanting more.

Quality of Ventilation: This is important, because the physical environment can have an effect on our physical and mental health along with our cognitive health. For example when the level of CO2 in your workplace is increased it can cause a decrease in cognitive and mental abilities and lead to poor decision making. It’s a good idea that your work environment has adequate ventilation and plants to decrease CO2 levels.

Number of Choices: Sometimes our ability to make decisions can be affected by the number of choices we have in front of us. When we’re presented with two or more choices it’s easy to look at the pros and cons of each choice. However, if we’re bombarded with endless choices whether we’re car shopping, using dating apps or entertainment apps it leads to a paradox of choice than makes decision making more difficult.

Past Experiences: This is an interesting one. Past experiences can impact present and future decision making. These include events that happened when you’re younger that shape the way you think, act and interact with people close to you.

Familiarity: Making decisions based on factors that are familiar with is deeply entrenched in our minds without being aware of it. We not only like things we’re familiar with, but we fear and judge anything that is different.

If you’re struggling with anxiety please click on the link below and download my free anxiety expert guide:

How Being Mindful Leads To Better Decision Making?

Decision making is not always as simple as saying “yes” or “no” and it’s not always a thoughtful or cognitive exercise, instead it can be an impulsive reaction to satisfy immediate needs.

We make decisions everyday about what we eat, when we leave for work, how often we check our smartphones or what assignment to complete. We also make crucial decisions that affect ourselves and others. Many people are not aware how important day-to-day decisions really are until they make the wrong ones. 

Sometimes we fear the unknown so much that we make bad decisions due to fear and anxiety.

Conventional decision making can only take you so far, so it’s important to learn about mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the practice of focusing on the moment-to-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and the environment around us.

Mindfulness is one of the most powerful tools for understanding your mind and focusing your attention. It can be applied in many ways including:

Mindful Breathing:  Mindfulness involves focusing your attention on your breathing. When you’re focusing on the rise and fall of your chest or the sensation through your nostrils your breath becomes an object of concentration when you start becoming aware of your mind’s tendency to jump from one thought to another.

Finding Your Purpose: Mindfulness makes you more aware of your purpose which leads to a greater sense of direction, a valued sense of self and a more meaningful life. Once you know your purpose you get to decide whether saying “yes” or “no” to a decision will ultimately serve your purpose.

Making Informed Decisions: Mindfulness can make the decision making process a thoughtful and cognitive exercise by making us aware of our impulsivity. For example, it’s important to be informed of the full impact of a decision before it’s made rather than be impulsive and regret your decision.

Finding Balance Between the Heart and the Brain: Overtime we’ve become more reliant on the human brain alone for day to day decisions. It was never meant to be the main source of wisdom and decision making. It has tendencies to push the human body past healthy limits and may result in fear, doubt and insecurities. In my previous post I mentioned that mindfulness puts an emphasis on dropping into your heart space, by doing that the brain and heart balance each other out. The brain receives the information that we make decisions from and the heart incorporates wisdom to help make good decisions.

What Do You Do Before Making Decisions?

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Sources:

https://open.buffer.com/decision-making/

https://www.bachremedies.com/en-us/emotional-health-blog/how-do-our-emotions-affect-decision-making

https://blog.hubspot.com/sales/the-psychology-of-choice

https://www.customerservicemanager.com/decision-making/

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/mindful_breathing

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tracking-wonder/201902/mindful-approach-decision-making

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How To Benefit From Mindfulness?

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of making a gentle effort to pay attention in a particular way that is open, receptive and non-judgemental to what you’re experiencing at the present moment.

It means to slow down to really notice what you’re doing and being intentionally aware and awake to each moment and be fully engaged in what’s happening.

Mindfulness helps promote physical, emotional and cognitive stability. 

If you’re dealing with anxiety issues please click on the link below and download my free anxiety expert guide:

How Do You Practice Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is not just about being alert to the present moment, it’s also paying attention very carefully to the environment around you. 

The things you need to consider before you start practicing mindfulness:

It Won’t Cost You Anything: It’s not necessary to buy a special cushion to sit on and you can practice mindfulness anywhere. All you need is the time and space to devote towards developing your mindfulness skills.

Don’t Worry About Quieting Your Mind: The goal of mindfulness is not for you to have an outworldly or blissful state of mind; what you’re trying to do is to pay attention to the present moment without judgement.

Your Mind Will Drift Off: Practicing mindfulness involves trying to focus on what you’re thinking at the present moment. However you’ll find that many thoughts arise including those about what you did yesterday and these may make your mind wander. Through mindfulness you become aware of this and consciously bring your focus back to the present moment.

Your Inner Critic Will Try To Take Over: We’re all guilty of listening to our inner critic in our heads more than we should. Our inner critic is in the form of negative thoughts that cause us to judge ourselves and not be aware of it. The practice of mindfulness involves intentionally focusing on a present moment without judgement, so we learn how to look at these thoughts and react to them by making mental notes on them and letting them go.

It’s All About Returning Your Attention Back To The Present Moment: Mindfulness is the practice that uses the sensation of the breath as an anchor to the present moment. Our minds have the tendency to wander into random thoughts, this is why mindfulness is the practice of returning to our breath over and over again when we’re trying to refocus.

Sometimes the terms mindfulness and meditation are used interchangeably, many of us think that they’re the same, they’re not. 

Mindfulness involves intentionally focusing on the present moment, while meditation is a mental exercise that involves relaxation, focus and awareness; its practiced individually in a still seated position and with your eyes closed.

The practice of meditation leads to the enriching of mindfulness.

What are the Benefits of Mindfulness?

The practice of mindfulness has many benefits including:

Being Able to Make Better Decisions: The mind has tendencies to wander toward unconscious thoughts such as ruminations, emotions and memories that can trigger feelings and reactions that cloud our judgement. Being mindful is becoming aware of these thoughts and the inner workings of your own mind and making you a better decision maker.

Improves mental health: Mindfulness is a practice that’s an integrative approach that helps people manage thoughts and feelings that cause mental health problems.

Improves Physical Health: Scientists have discovered that mindfulness techniques have physical health benefits including stress relief, lowering blood pressure, reduction of chronic pain and relieving gastrointestinal problems.

Increases Attention: Mindfulness along with other treatments can help you develop inner skills that promote your ability to control your attention by strengthening your ability to self observe and develop different relationships to experiences that are stressful.

Helps You Sleep: The world we live in can be stressful; at work we have tight deadlines, along with being anxious about job security. Stress can affect sleep quality and incorporating mindfulness into our daily routine can help us sleep better.

Improves Relationships: Since mindfulness increases the awareness of our thoughts and actions it’s great for improving relationships. 

What Makes a Mindful Mastermind?

A mastermind is described as someone who has an outstanding intellect or someone who plans and directs an ingenious and complex enterprise.  People from different walks of life can be described as masterminds such as inventors, intellectuals and famous geniuses such as Albert Einstein. 

Being intelligent or smart means that you have an easier time processing and understanding information. 

Most people think that intelligence and wisdom are one and the same. 

Wisdom is the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge and good judgement. 

When a form of practical wisdom such as mindfulness teaches you how to think about and apply what you have learned. 

Sometimes we learn things that cause our minds to wander toward negative thoughts that contribute to limiting beliefs and anxiety that we try to control. Mindfulness makes you aware that this is happening, you accept what is happening and lose yourself within your heart space when you’re feeling inner peace after letting go of negative thoughts that don’t serve you.

What Do You Do To Create Mindfulness In Your Day?

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Sources:

https://youmatter.world/en/definition/what-is-mindfulness-definition/

https://www.mindful.org/how-to-practice-mindfulness/

https://www.fastcompany.com/90420954/how-mindfulness-improves-decision-making

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The Mind and Body Connection and Meditation.

What Is The Mind And Body Connection?

The mind and body connection is a set of mechanisms through which one’s thoughts, emotions and spiritual practices can affect the way your body functions.

An example is how the way your body responds to stress and/or constant worry over jobs and finances. Your mind and emotions control your health just as much as the food you eat.

What is Meditation?

The process of quieting your mind by utilizing concentration and relaxation to pivot yourself away from distracting thoughts and instead focus on the present moment.

What we call meditation is referred to in Sanskrit as “Dhyana”. It came from eastern religious practices of India, China and Japan. 

How do you meditate?

Here is a simple way to meditate.

  1. Sit or lie comfortably
  2. Close your eyes
  3. Start breathing naturally
  4. Focus your attention on your breath and how your body moves when you breath in and out.

What are the different types of meditation?

There are seven types of meditation:

  1. Mindfulness Meditation: Involves focusing your mind on your experiences in the present moment.
  2. Transcendental Meditation: Involves the use of a mantra while sitting with your eyes closed.
  3. Guided Meditation: Involves one or more participants meditating in response to the  guidance given by a teacher.
  4. Vipassana Meditation: Also called insight or awareness meditation, gives us insight into the true nature of our experiences.
  5. Loving Kindness Meditation: Also called “metta” meditation consists of mentally sending goodwill, kindness and warmth toward others by repeating a series of mantras.
  6. Chakra Meditation: Chakra is a Sanskrit word that literally means disk/wheel. The practice involves a transfer of energy wheels throughout your body. Each chakra is regarded as a focal point linking your emotional, physical and spiritual energies.
  7. Yoga Meditation: Yoga is a Sanskrit word that means union with the divine. It’s a practice that involves conscious breathing, conscious concentration and relaxation along with a steady pose that should bring you to a meditative state.

What Are The Benefits of Meditation?

  • Anxiety: A section of the brain called the medial prefrontal cortex has numerous neural pathways that emerge from it to connect with the brain’s fear and bodily sensation perception centers. This part of the brain becomes stimulated when were stress out of anxious. Meditation relaxes these connections and you’ll feel less anxious.
  • Resilience: Meditation can lead to the increased resilience of the brain. For example if a particular part of the brain get injured it can quickly repair itself.
  • Stress: Meditation is a great way to relieve stress. When you’re dealing with stress your body produces more cortisol and this can lead to an inflammation response that can disrupt sleep, increased anxiety and depression and high blood pressure. Meditating regularly may reduce this inflammation caused by stress.
  • Creativity: A calmer mind after meditation can lead to increased creativity.
  • Memory: Meditation has been described as being weight lifting for your attention span. Regularly practicing meditation can increase your attention span and allow you to focus on a specific task longer. It’s possible for meditation to reduce age related memory loss.

How Did I Get Into Meditation?

My interest in meditation started in the beginning of 2016 when I went to an intro to Buddhism meeting. This was for Nichiren Buddhism; a form of Buddhism that started in the 13th century in Japan by a monk named Nichiren Daishonin. His teachings emphasize the recitation of the mantra “ nam myoho renge kyo” for health, happiness and enlightenment.

From this point one I became increasingly interested in mindfulness. After dealing with mental health problems that involve depression and anxiety for years meditation was the one practice that benefited me the most. 

Something simple such as practicing mindfulness meditation while sitting in my car during my breaks at work help relieve stress and help me focus.

As of last fall I started practicing yoga. At first I had trouble with balance but with enough practice I improved and it resulted in a looser body and a clear mind.

Have you ever meditated before? If so which type?

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Men and the Fear of Vulnerability.

There’s a lot of miscommunication these days about what it means to be a man in 2019. Does it mean being stoic? Standing alone? Suppressing emotions? Not committing to a long-term relationship? Living like it’s the zombie apocalypse by not being vulnerable with anyone for the sake of survival? This blog is not intended to generalize all men, but it’s meant to discuss a problem a lot of men face. The fear of vulnerability!

Important thing to note about men that have issues with commitment. Vulnerability is scarier than death. They’ll play games with you because they are looking for a short term commitment, they’re too immature, however there are others that want to commit long term, but they have a difficult time making it happen partly due to the fear of vulnerability. 

Why is vulnerability so scary?

The unwillingness or inability to be vulnerable could be due to past trauma or past relationship baggage. The fear of vulnerability may be a way to protect ourselves emotionally from being hurt again.

We also live in a culture where it’s considered weak, needy and pathetic for men to show vulnerability. We also assume that men don’t feel hurt when they’re let down due to a relationship that didn’t work out or childhood trauma, they do have feelings and they do get hurt, but it’s a major turn off to express ourselves emotionally. We get labeled as “pussified”, “a nice guy”, “weak”. 

Men also fear being vulnerable due to superficial issues such as the fear of not being wealthy enough, smart enough or good looking enough. The fear stems from the fear of being judged. This fear can cause us to pretend to be someone else and can cause stress and a disconnect between who we are in our hearts and who we pretend to be in our minds.

These emotions are expressed in a negative way. Some men start abusing drugs and alcohol, some become addicted to work, while others develop a need to constantly be validated by women to boost their shattered egos. Anything to not have to be vulnerable ever again.

These emotions should be expressed in a more positive way. Instead of feeling bitter about past hurt it’s important for men to put that negative energy to good use.

How can negative emotions be expressed positively?

When we ignore our emotions such as the fear of vulnerability it’s not the healthiest thing to do. The emotions we feel will eventually come out in different ways.

Instead of ignoring our emotions they can be expressed in positive ways including:

Exercise: Exercising is not only good for you it can boost your energy and add years to your life. Exercise improves not only your physical well being, but your mental well being as well by managing depression and anxiety that comes with negative emotions.

Practice self-compassion: Self-compassion can be practiced during periods of perceived inadequacy, failure or general suffering. It entails being warm toward yourself when encountering pain and personal shortcomings, gathering than ignoring them or harming yourself.

Ask yourself why you don’t want to open up?: Learn about yourself and why the fear of vulnerability affects your life. Parts of my past are difficult to talk about with other people. I once had to deal with serious mental health problems and only worked part time for two years and barely left home when I wasn’t working. I’ve gotten better since then and I have my bad days, however I feel like the baggage from that time in my life still affects my personal life now. Mental illness whether it was a past problem or a current problem is one of the top deal breakers in any would be relationship. Worse than unemployment and being an Ex con.

Meditation and Mindfulness: The practice of meditation and mindfulness can help you focus on living in the present moment without regrets about the past or fear of the future. It can also help us reconnect with who we actually are.

Know Thy Fear: It’s important to get in touch with yourself by knowing about what you fear. Instead of eliminating fear it’s important to expose it so it shrinks and makes you less fearful of what you’re afraid of. Gaining a deeper understanding of what you fear is achieved by facing it. If you really wanted to identify exactly what you’re dealing with what you fear can be dissected and analyzed.

Vulnerability is necessary for building intimacy in a relationship. It allows other people to get to know the real you and you get to know yourself.

What are the ways you deal with what you fear?

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